Indulging in BDSM is no different than any other pastime in that respect. The beginning of January always brings me a deluge of new applicants who have decided for one reason or another that this year is finally going to be the year they indulge in this side of life and off they toddle to the internet to get their needs met. I can honestly say that out of all the applicants that I get at this time of year around 10% pique my interest enough for me to follow up their application and an even lower percentage actually make it through the door to my premises.
There are many reasons for this, but the main one by far is that no thought, effort or research had gone into the application. They may well be the best thing since sliced bread but they've not shown that best side to me, so therefore they get discarded. They could also just be someone who is wasting my time which seems to happen more in the month of January. In fact I had one chap who would approached me every year with the same story. By about the 4th year he was a bit late with his application and I actually thought he was away annoying someone else until that inevitable email dropped into my inbox. Well dear reader I was relieved, I had been worried about him. So much so that I replied that thank goodness he had made contact, I was terribly worried, I thought something bad had happened to him in the intervening 12 months. I told him how happy I was that he had not met some terrible fate and now I can sleep soundly knowing he is still around, still writing the same old crap, still totally deluding himself and still not making it further than his own bedroom to satisfy his need. I think that might just have tipped him over the edge as the following year, in year 5 there was no contact. I do feel bad that I probably drove him to end it all (well end his ridiculous approaches that is!) #sorrynotsorry!
So without further ado I shall press on with my hints and tips for approaching a suitable Mistress. Having read this and taken it on board I'm sure you will be much more successful than the 90+ % of applicants who find their way to inboxes across the country.
1. Plan carefully.
This means doing a lot of research. Do not just wake up one morning and decide it's a new year and your balls need beaten badly and any old fecker will do. Those balls while they probably do need beaten, need to be beaten by someone who knows what they are doing.
So research. Firstly start with yourself. Decide what about BDSM draws you in. What is it you want to feel? I've spoken about it in here in this blog. Getting to know whether you want to feel controlled, humiliated, nurtured or owned will help give you a starting point for where to look to get those needs met. If you know what your motivations are then you're well on your way to finding someone who knows what to do with those motivations. Once you know the feeling start thinking about the interests that gel with that feeling. For example if you want to feel dirty and slutty and totally out of control then a full on medical session with very invasive and challenging treatments is not generally the best route to engender those feelings. If you want the adrenaline rush and an endorphin release then intense medical or corporal punishment may well be the best route.
2. Control your urges.
Having said all of that, remember the relationship between you and the Domme is more important than the activities. When people first start out the temptation is to go looking to approach someone who looks amazing and appears to be into the things you are into. In some cases this can pan out well but mostly the best mind blowing sessions are not about how beautiful/attractive/hot the Mistress is. It's about her skill set and how easily she can get into your mind. So when you're trawling the internet look for more than just looks or activities.
3. Dig deeper.
Look further than just the pictures on a website. There are lots of places you can check compatibility with a certain Mistress. If you're interested in sessioning with someone read her blog, go find her on twitter, look up her instagram account. Research research research. Does she have her own premises? is that important to you? Are they kept clean? Can you see if there is order in her twitter pictures or is the background a mess? Is it a shared premises? Will other slaves or Mistresses be at the premises at the same time as you? Does what she say in her blog resonate with you. Do you feel you could connect with this person. Is any of this even important to you?
4. The application.
Go through her website carefully and find out how she wants approached. If she has her telephone number but prefers email then I would suggest emailing her. Phone calls asking for information that's already on her site just makes you look like an illiterate dick. Construct the email with care. Answer any questions truthfully. If she asks for your age don't go knocking 10 years off it in the hope she is more likely to see you. Age is more relevant at the lower end of the scale, at least for me anyway as I am not interested in sessioning with an 18 year old.
If you've applied to see her before but had to postpone continuing the application tell her. There is nothing worse than someone contacting me and making no mention of a previous application. It just makes me very suspicious. Even worse don't lie if she asks if you've had contact before. I've had this happen on a few occasions and that was the end of that application. If someone is prepared to lie to me at this stage then I don't want them in my space.
Pay great attention to exactly what information she asks for. For example if she asks (like I do) how do you want to feel, what is the underlying desired state you want to experience, don't answer I would love to be fucked up the ass with a giant strap-on. This tells me you haven't read the question and you're too fixated on an actual activity. Most Mistresses I know are very creative and love nothing better than being able to craft an amazing session using many of their skills. Limiting a session to one or two activities with no room for creativity leads to very boring sessions.
Pay attention to what time of the day you are applying. This might just be something that applies to just me however. If I see an application has arrived in my inbox at 4am on a Sat or Sunday morning, unless the applicant is from a different time zone then I'm just going to assume he has been out on the randan and is now home, horny and full of the falling down water. I never reply to these emails. Especially as they are usually sparse on the information I want and florid with gratuitous details of what he would like done to him.
Make some reference as to why you would love to session with said Mistress. What makes you think you will both connect? My best sessions and most of my regulars have come along having read every blog I've ever written which means they have a good grasp of who I am. This, for me, means they have taken the time to get to know me and is something I regard as priceless. I'm not saying you have to devour every word. Just be informed about who she is and what she stands for. This will go a long way to showing how genuine you are in your application. Many of my subs/slaves/visitors come quite a distance to see me and have said they've followed me online for years. Now they have an opportunity to session and greatly enhanced their chances with the right attitude to their application.
5. Follow up.
If she asks for more information then give it to her, and do it in a timely manner. Don't have her chasing you up for it. She will most likely have a number of applications in her inbox at any one time. So don't burden her with having her chase you for information. Likewise if she offers you an appointment in email be sure to get back to her as soon as you possibly can. If you're not able to take the appointment then the chances are someone else will but leaving her wondering if you're taking the appointment or not is inconsiderate.
If she gives you a time or time frame to call then make sure you do it. If anyone calls me out-with the phone times then they are immediately blocked. I'm not sitting here all day waiting on your call and have in fact got a life outside my Pro-Domming. So don't go calling her at 2 or 3 in the morning and expect a nice pleasant chat. If she's anything like me she will almost certainly block you once she has given you a piece of her mind.
If you are unable to call then tell her why. Don't give ridiculous excuses just tell the truth and see if you can come to some sort of arrangement for a chat. Don't go saying you've got (insert family member here) in intensive care but you'll phone as soon as the funeral is over. Stories like that just make you look unhinged. You don't need the biggest drama ever to befall you....you just need to be honest and say you've got a lot on or that you've changed your mind. No biggie!
As I've mentioned, now you've read all of this then you're more likely to take note and construct a sensible, articulate and engaging application and you'll be over the bench of your desired Mistress before you know it. If you don't take note then you can scroll back up to the nice picture and kiss my shiny ass....you're welcome!